A habit you can’t seem to break isn’t proof that you’re weak, lazy, or incapable. It’s evidence that your brain has learned a familiar path—and would rather stay on it than spend energy building a new one.
Your brain wants to keep you safe, not successful. That can make even a positive change feel like a threat.
What You’ll Learn
The difference between physical and mental habits
Why your brain prefers familiar patterns
How the primitive brain and prefrontal cortex play different roles
Why self-criticism makes changing habits harder
How repetition creates a new neural pathway
The Mind Tool: The Decision Thought
Choose one habit—not five.
Write down:
The old path you want to use less
The replacement path you want to practice
The smallest daily rep you can repeat
When Walter objects, respond:
“Thank you for trying to keep me safe. I can take it from here.”
Every repetition clears the new trail. The boring reps are what get results.
About Penney
Penney Brinks is a certified Life Coach / Personal Breakthrough Strategist and creator of the Direct + Driven approach. Her book, I Would, BUT..., helps readers recognize excuses and move into action.
Connect
Website: https://www.mindsetmaneuvers.com
Email: penneymcrae@charter.net
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Hello and welcome. My name is Penny Brinks and I just want to thank you for taking time out of your busy day to join me for today's podcast which is all about habits. The habits, you know, we look at as labeling, they seem so simple, and yet why are they so cotton-picking hard to break? The bad ones. We all have habits. We know the good ones, of course, and then we've got the ones that do not serve us. So habits come in different flavors and styles and sizes. We have habits that go under the category of physical. and habits that fall under the category of mental. So a physical habit would be something that you do in a day that requires movement, like driving your car or making coffee or picking up your phone, biting your fingernails, reading a book, making a meal, those types of things. A mental habit is an automated, repeated pattern of thinking or interpreting information that occurs in the subconscious mind.
You know, when you think about things that we do in a day that we do so without thinking, which really is a huge time saver because we have 60,000 thoughts in a day. So many of them are already filtered out and habits like, or thoughts like, oh, you got to brush your teeth. How am I going to do that? We just do it. We just do it. So that's the beauty of having habits that serve us and the habits that just run, habits just run automatically in your subconscious mind. So we don't have to think about it. But there's habits like, think about things that we say, like just automate it. How are you today? Have a good day. Talk to you soon. We don't think about those things.
And habits also, those kinds of things that are in our subconscious mind, are also patterned in there to think a certain way based on how we've been raised and our life experiences that doesn't make us right. It just is habitual pattern of almost like pre-ticket tape things that we're going to say when somebody else says something. And so that would be an example of a mental habit. So we've got those forms of habits. Those habits are built over time through repetition. And in a minute, I'm going to explain to you about neural pathways, which is what a habit is in the brain. Mental habits obviously differ from physical habits. Mental habits dictate your internal narrative.
In other words, the self-talk and the cognitive filters that determine how you process circumstances before you make a decision. That's what I was touching on a minute ago when I said you just react or respond to certain things that people say because that's already automated in your subconscious mind because that's a neural pathway that's been created. So you don't have to think about it. Your brain loves that. because it loves the fact that you don't have to think about all that thing, because the design of your brain, one of the pieces is to conserve energy. Now, when I say that your brain is designed to conserve energy, that's your primitive brain. That's your primal brain. That was there to keep you alive.
That's your survival brain. So what better way to conserve energy than not have to think about anything? It's a beautiful plan, really. I don't have to think about opening my toothpaste, tube of toothpaste. I don't have to think about where I need to put the toothpaste on the toothbrush, those kind of things. So it's a beautiful thing, but it also can be there to sabotage you. Because we have habits that we want to change. And your brain is going to fight you on it based on the design that it was originally set up to keep us alive. And obviously we have habits of service that are wonderful. So we want to keep those alive and well. But we also have habits that keep us stuck and bound and frustrated and annoyed.
You know what those are. You know what those are. How many times so then have you tried to break a habit only to find that it fights its way back? It's going to come back. I want to come back. Don't let me go. And you might look at it as like, geez, I'm weak. I don't have any willpower. What's wrong with me? You damn yourself. And sometimes you resort to name calling under your breath. And I want you to think about that. Because there's nothing about that that's going to serve you in the long run. Zero. If anything, it makes it worse. Because you're beating up on yourself so bad and that doesn't feel good. And we like things that like make us feel good. So just recognize it for what it is and get back up on the horse again.
Because the reality is. It has nothing to do with your willpower, breaking a habit. It has nothing to do with your intelligence level. It has nothing to do with your worthiness. And it has little to do with your capability. But what it does have to do with is the design of your brain. Again, your brain was set up for survival, people. Remember how many years, think about how many years we've been walking on this planet, our ancestors. And back in the day, when we first started out, our ancestors first started out on this planet, that brain design did a darn good job of what it was designed to do. Keep us safe, because danger was everywhere. And energy needed to be conserved.
So the same brain that kept our ancestors alive is the same brain that is keeping you stuck. It doesn't know what it doesn't know. And it has no idea that some habits serve you and you love those while others hold you back. So when you introduce a new way of thinking or doing things, it freaks out. You're going to try to change something. And it's no, it doesn't want that. It doesn't want that. Because your brain thrives on routines and patterns and familiarity. So it's just doing what it was designed to do. So rather than get mad at it, get familiar with it. Thank it for a job well done when it was applicable. Thank you for keeping me alive. My ancestors alive brain did a remarkable job.
And then remind your brain that you can take it from here. I appreciate what you're trying to do. I call that part of my brain Walter. And I literally, I talk to him or I've got a visual of him. Like, Penny, don't do that. Don't try something new. Don't try something different. But then I'm like, it's okay, Walter. I got this. I knew it was different back in the caveman days. And you did a great job. And you're always going to be there. And sometimes that's good. A lot of times that's good. And I do appreciate the times when I don't have to think about putting toothpaste on my toothbrush. Because you see, that primal brain does not have the ability to go away or morph into what you want it to be. It just doesn't. It's always going to be there. And that's okay. It's better than okay. It was great.
But now that you know that that part of your brain was set up to conserve energy and to keep you in the cave, and that's why starting a new habit is so difficult, because you're trying to override that part of your brain. There's also, here's the great news, really. There's a part of your brain called the prefrontal cortex. And you can think of that part of your brain as a CEO. It's located right in the front of the frontal lobe, right? Directly behind your forehead. And it regulates higher order cognitive processing, goal-directed behavior, and emotional control. So one of the goals that you want to reach is giving up a habit that doesn't serve you, whatever that looks like for you in your life. Maybe you want to give up the habit of eating in between meals. Maybe you want to give up the habit of sitting after you have dinner and watching TV all night. The minute. You try to sway away from that, your brain's going to freak out. It's going to be, wait, wait, that's not, I'm, wait, wait. It is, it's going to freak out.
So again, that part of my brain, I call Walter and Walter likes to step in and he does it all the time, multiple times a day and give me all the reasons why something won't work. That's not going to work, Penny. He likes to tell me I'm not capable and likes to remind you when I tried to give up that habit before and it didn't work. because he does not want me to think because that takes energy and a different behavior, a different pattern. He's going to fight that because he thinks he's doing me a favor. That primitive brain, Walter, wants me to stay in the cave. He wants me to live each day like the day before until the day I die, not out of spite or fear, but for self-preservation.
He's still functioning like we lived in prehistoric times. Bless his heart. I don't have an answer for why that part of our brain has never evolved, but I'm sure there is one. What I focus on is the fact that the prefrontal cortex is also a part of our brain, and that is there to help us accomplish giving up or replacing the habit that has been running on the same program for months or years. It's not going to be easy. Okay, I'm not telling you that now that you know this information, you just, okay, Walter, don't do that anymore. And Walter's going to stop because he's not. What you're going to have to do is build new neural pathways in your brain, which is exactly what a habit is. And I want you to think of it this way.
This really serves me well when I think of habits. A neural pathway is exactly that. It's a pathway and it gets very technical. I don't even like synapses or something like that in the brain that messages less energy. But I want you to think of it like this. I want you to think of a neural pathway as a pathway in the woods, a trail in the woods. I want you to think of it as a road. that you take all the time. And that is a path that gets you from where you are to where you want to go without thinking. And you don't have to do any work. You don't have to go through the tall grass and the prickly things that come out of it. You don't have to do any of that. That represents a habit, good or bad, good or bad. That's a neural pathway, that path, that road. Let that represent a neural pathway. Now, you want to introduce a new habit.
So what you're going to have to do, which is what your brain doesn't like, is think new thoughts, because that takes energy. But you're going to have to pave a new path. You might even have to build a new road, starting from a two-track. And that takes work and effort, and you might get hurt doing it. But if you do it every day, if you practice it every day, like giving up a snack in between meals every day, your body's going to fight you at first because after all, that's what you did at 10 o'clock in the morning or 3 o 'clock in the afternoon. But when you don't do it and you're hiking through that trail and breaking down that grass day after day or that road day after day and you don't use the other one, you can't totally delete the other one. But the less you use it and the more you use the new path as you break it down, that neural pathway is going to become strong. And the other one eventually just, it's not there anymore. So that's how you build or break old habits and build a better one.
Maybe rather than have a cookie, maybe have an apple if that's what you want for your snack. Whatever habit it is that you have. Any habit that annoys you, any habit that does not serve you, any habit that keeps you stuck and bound, that's what you want to work on. And you are not a bad person because of it. You're not a weak person or someone who's not capable. It's just that you're a human being with a human brain. Okay, so here's what, in wrapping up, I want to... Hang in there with me for just a minute. You're going to have moments, obviously, during this journey where Walter is going to convince you to come back. And you've got to learn to ignore the tuggings of the brain setup. You've got to learn to ignore Walter and then create those new neural pathways that will bring you what you want.
in the life that you say you want to lead. So you have to be intentional and you have to be deliberate. And I know that you can do it. Is it easier to fall back? Yeah, but you got to pick your pain. It's going to take time and patience and persistence and you do not beat up on yourself. Because your humanness is always going to be there. Okay? Okay? It's how you handle that humanness that's going to make the difference in the long run. Don't... You know, stay away from just stay away from succumbing to it. The reality of life is nobody's going to come save you. That's just a fact. There is no magic fairy dust. There is no easy way out. You have to do the work to get the paycheck in life.
You know, you go to work and you get paid based on the amount of hours of work and the effort that you put in. It's the same thing with a paycheck in life. So I want to thank you for listening. I want you to write down. Don't get too crazy with this. Just one habit. One habit at a time. What habit do you want to get rid of and maybe what habit would you like to introduce? Write those down. Understand that Walter is going to be there every step of the way to try to convince you not to do it. That's okay, Walter. I get it. I get it. And I thank you for wanting to keep me safe in the cave. But you know what? Life is very different today. And there's not danger every time I step out of my house. There's not going to be a bear or a tiger that is going to attack me. I've got clothes on my back to keep me warm.
I've got food in the refrigerator. We go to the grocery store now. The brain back in the caveman days, you know, or life back in the caveman days, they didn't have all that stuff. But the brain doesn't know it. It's still functioning back, I don't know, hundreds of thousands of years ago. I don't know how many years ago it was prehistoric. I haven't looked that up. But that's how I want you to remember what habits are. Recreate new neural pathways. It takes time, patience, and perseverance. So thank you for tuning in this week, guys. Have a wonderful rest of your week, and we'll see you next time. Bye-bye.